I often struggle with putting myself down regularly for not doing enough or feeling like I am not being the best version of myself. I suppose it is good that I have developed such a hunger to get better and want to do anything I can to achieve great things. I have no drive to do anything that will negatively impact my recovery such as drinking and staying up super late. I have developed a strong awareness of what makes me anxious as well as what makes me feel content and at peace with myself.
This is the constant balance we all must determine from inside of us. There is a certain point where we must let our guard down and ask tough questions. Why am I so anxious? What am I afraid of? What is my mind trying to protect me from? The thing that has provided me with comfort is that things have a tendency to work themselves out and the worst-case scenario we all freak out about very seldom comes to fruition. The situation or problem will get solved and things will all be okay, but this is a very difficult thing to wrap your head around when you are in the middle of a problem that seems to have no clear solution.
There have been a lot of times these past couple of months where I feel as though I cannot be present in anything I am doing as I feel as though I am not doing the right thing or I should be doing something else. I am searching for the beauty of life in the pursuit of the reward. This is not the way. The way is to find a sense of contentment in the mundane tasks that are required day-to-day for consistency in order to feel good about me on a regular basis. This relentless cycle I put myself through is demanding, exhausting, and draining of all feelings and a sense of accomplishment that we all deserve to feel. I struggled much less with this cycle of thoughts during my challenges as I had a clear template of things to avoid and things to accomplish on a daily. Therefore, it was much harder for me to be disappointed in myself or put myself down when I knew I was doing things 99% of others were not.
I must go back to this sense of pride and realize that is the person I have developed myself into and just because I am not doing 1000 things a day and have yet to reach my goals does not take away from who I am as a human being and the potential I contain as an athlete.
I recommend writing down everything you accomplish in the day on a sheet of paper before bed. Things from making breakfast to a tough workout to calling your mother or father. Anything and everything. This tool has made me feel a lot better about myself, allowed me to go to bed feeling more accomplished, and helped me put that day to rest.