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Overthinking.

There are so many times I find myself having to intervene and disrupt the internal downward spiral I have created over a situation that I have little to no control over. I continue to search for greatness and ponder all that my life has to offer; I come to realize that my anxious tendencies and relentless overthinking comes from finding little peace in the things I am doing. I think it is very seldom that I find moments to take life in for what it is because I am always concerned I am not doing enough or I am doing too much. It is very rare that I give myself any credit for the work I have put in and the constant pursuit of being better every day because I never feel like it is enough. The nature of what I do is a very competitive endeavor, which I love as I am a very competitive person. The truth is that this environment places you under the microscope for extended periods of time and it becomes easy to put yourself down even if you know in your heart, you are on the right track. This goes for many things in my life that have felt rushed, misaligned or frustrating, such as balancing school and golf. I know I am not alone and that is why I continue to fight each and every day against the the part of me that appears as though it is trying to protect me, when really it is slowing me down and stripping me from the joy that I deserve. We all deserve to feel joy in living our lives and respecting the journey of life. I feel a wave of anxiety overtake me when I try to be me and things do not go my way. I am sick of it. I believe inside that I am in control and this constant annoyance seems to only calm when I fully immerse myself in whatever I am doing. I have come to realize that this, yet again, is simply apart of the beauty of being human. We are intelligent beings and some of us are extra aware of our own feelings, perceptions and emotions. This can be hard to manage sometimes if we are not patient and compassionate with ourselves. I continue to push myself each day and hope to become more patient in my process and appreciative of each step in my journey.

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