This was a hard process for me because I was disappointed in myself and I did not take any real positives away from the good golf I had played just months before. I slowly started to accept my failures and reflect on them instead of feeling bad about myself. That is the thing that anxiety does to our brain; it makes us all have such a victim mentality and think that everything we ever did wrong is a colossal failure that we will never recover from. I realized that you cannot be good at anything or confident in yourself if you do not fail. We all must go through phases like this in our lives to see if we are strong enough to take on the battle of our minds be patient in the process.
This change in perspective offered me a new beginning. I could now begin to push myself hard and go to battle every day for the right reasons, not just to bury my anxiety and feel better temporarily or to forget about my past failures. I began to use these failures to see what went wrong: physically, mentally, emotionally. I could go back to changes in my behavior in a specific round or on a day leading into an event and rather than be afraid of failing again. I took ownership for my failures so I can be great. I have done many things this off-season I never thought possible by trying to push myself and be a better version of myself each day. I have never been a runner and chose to run 4 miles on the treadmill one day. The next time I ran 5 miles, a few days later I ran 6 miles and ended up accomplishing a six mil run three times in one week. I worked out 23 days in a row at one point and so many days where I just dreaded working out I got past what my mind wanted and immersed myself back in the process of becoming a better version of myself today and trying to see what I am capable of.