The thing that I came to realize recently is that we believe a lot of the things that our mind tells us even though the fact of the matter is our identity has nothing to do with ninety-nine percent of the thoughts we have on a daily basis. The mind is simply a constant dialogue, a vessel if you will, between yourself and your inner voice. This is something that I have allowed to inhibit my performance, both in golf and in life. I am also aware of many people in my life that allow themselves to believe the nonsense thoughts they have and allow these to define them and prohibit them from taking any real action in their lives.
I recall an exercise I did with a therapist last year where I would remember negative things I have said to myself on the golf course, write them down, and then come up with a new sentence that I truly believe and that is more constructive to say back to myself when these thoughts arise. I didn’t mind this, though, I think it beats around the bush of the root issue. I am going to do something blunter today.
The most frustrating thing is that I have wasted so much of my energy in this life to make up scenarios in my head, given power things that are both out of my control and none of my business. The next section is going to jump all over the place, but I am going to include a bunch of thoughts that you and I may have on a daily basis as we perceive them and then describe the reality of the situation.
“That person is way better looking than me, and probably has a great life.” – You may perceive them to be better looking, but they deal with the same problems you do. Get back to work on you.
“I am never going to get this, why am I trying?” – what you are doing is difficult, if it was easy everyone would do it for fun. You are being weak and looking for an out. Get back to work on you.
“Everyone is going to think I am ______.” – no one truly cares about you aside from your immediate family and closest friends. Do whatever you want to do, smile while doing it, and keep working on yourself.
“I do not believe in myself. I keep having these doubtful, negative thoughts.” – you will have self-doubt, criticism, and a range of thoughts from positive to negative. Kobe did. Tiger did. All the greatest people do. You are not your thoughts, you are you. Get back to work on you.
“Everyone is staring at me, what is wrong with me?” – no one really cares about you besides your immediate family. Every single one of those people is caught up in their own inner dialogue and you just happened to be two or three seconds of their day. They could think you look good, or interesting, or maybe they were just daydreaming. Get back to work on you.
“No one is going to talk to me.” – life is all about creating your own opportunities with zero fear of failing in any situation. If one person does not seem to want to talk, next. The odds are the next person will want to chat. If no one wants to chat, go home, oh well. It is not humiliating if you tried to put yourself out there. Get back to work on you.
“Why is no one boosting me about my accomplishment?” – no one cares what you did today, nor yesterday. Get back to work on you.