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We ALL have something Special.

I have found myself in the past constantly clouding my mind and my intention on a daily basis with things I cannot control. I would get myself so worked up with something I did wrong or did not execute the way I wanted; whether it was during practice, a workout, or on the golf course. I would cloud my vision so much to the point where I was unable to focus on anything else and was dragged down by my emotions to the point where it would affect my physical abilities. I would find myself caught in a shell where I did not want to speak to anyone, do anything or feel anything. I allowed my mind to go so far down the rabbit hole that it became nearly impossible to feel any sort of positivity, learn anything, or enjoy any sort of experience life had to offer me. I would feel so poorly about myself and worry so much about results that it would be physically debilitating to the point where I would not want to do anything but sit in a corner and feel bad for myself. That used to be a serious downfall of mine where I would be so lost in my own negative narrative and the frustration took over. This shut down the opportunity for any sort of learning that would be possible with a more clear mind.

This is no longer me. I am strong, I have self-belief and worry no more about the losses than I do the wins. I understand the process and the fact that the hard work is more rewarding than the small wins I experience on a results level. I have accomplished a lot in the way of self-improvement this year that extends way past golf. I have been off vaping since December 31st, which is something I am very happy about considering I was on and off it since high school. I am no longer afraid of failure. I embrace taking chances and being bold. I reflect on all of the years that I made myself feel so inferior, anxious, and crappy. However, I do not define myself by these experiences. I define myself by who I am today and the opportunities that lie ahead of me and I believe everyone should treat themselves with the same sort of respect. I look at it as a blessing in disguise because all of these hard times callused my mind and allow me to dig myself out of a dark hole, not only coming out on the lighter side but also learning a lot and becoming much more aware of myself during the process. It is very sad to me that any person has to deal with any sort of self-hate, self-doubt, and internal ridicule even on a minuscule level. The bright side of this is that we all have the ability to use these trying times we have gone through as fuel to be better and become stronger.

A side note I would like to say is that if you have been through any sort of mental health struggle or mental illness and woke up today, you have something special. I mean, you have something really special. A lot of people lost those battles and you have enough grit, determination, and power within you to push through your own struggles just to survive and choose to get things done. I am proud of you, and you should be damn proud of yourself.

I challenge myself and anyone kind enough to read this to continue to push yourself on a daily basis, to get stronger physically and mentally and if your brain tells you that you can not do something, go do it. I can promise you that there is not a single thing in this world more rewarding than looking at yourself in the mirror and feeling true pride in who you are becoming. The fact of the matter is that it does not matter what other people think about you whatsoever, that is their problem. I challenge you all to start to be aware of your own self-talk. Change it. If you are not showing yourself any love, show yourself some love. If you are not caught up in something small you did wrong, stop. Gain some perspective, look at the big picture and move on. If you are putting yourself down, stop. Believe in yourself and even if you do not think can do something, pretend. Tell yourself YOU CAN DO IT!

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